Holes shaped like love....

I have been trying to write this since last night. I have been sitting trying to put words down, but it has been hard. Yesterday evening at about 8:30 my mamaw closed her eyes to this world and opened them in the most beautiful place there is. My mamaw was the most precious person that I will ever have the privalege of knowing. The lady was under five feet tall but she was a giant. Next to my mom she has been the most influential woman in my life. My grandmother taught me to read my bible. She showed me the joy of sitting in silence and being with God. She was the most compassionate and kind person that I will ever know. She was a beautiful lady. Her family meant the most to her next to God. Last night I was sitting in the house thinking about my life with her. I was at Mamaw's house every day from the time I was born until the day I left home for college. She made the best fried chicken ever. I would put money on it. She made quilts. That was kind of her ministry. She would make quilts for children born into our church and for couples who were getting married. She was a woman who loved life and God and family. I know that this is short and I know that it does not do Mamaw justice. I just wanted to put something down so that everyone can see the woman who I knew and loved so much. Thank you guys for taking the time to read this.

My List

Last night Alyssa and I were talking and some how we got onto the conversation of what we love. We just started listing things out. This is my list. I have 25 things here and I could have went longer. The only rule was that this had to be things and not people. Here goes....

Things that I love, in no particular order. This list does not count people, just things.
1. Early morning drives when it feels like no one else exists except for you.
2. Old comfortable blue jeans. I have two pair.
3. The smell of rain.
4. Old cars
5. Good books
6. The unfiltered joy that is college baseball
7. Fishing with Dad
8. Friday nights in the fall
9. That little two week period in the early fall when the weather turns all cool and beautiful.
10. Opening day of baseball season.
11. Carhartt chore coats, I have three ranging from thread bare to brand new.
12. Bass Pro caps
13. The beautiful sight of a defensive lineman getting ear holed by a pulling guard
14. The smell of frying chicken at Mamaw’s house.
15. Mountain man beards
16. Rediscovering old music
17. Clint Eastwood cowboy movies
18. Mamaw’s quilts
19. I.B.C. Rootbeer in a bottle
20. The way girls smell good
21. Being so deep in the woods that no one except for yourself knows where you are.
22. That feeling I get every fall down deep in my soul that lets me know that it is football time.
23. Watching athletes and people in general who give their all knowing that they are going to come up short.
24. Pigeon Mountain, need I say more?
25. The sound of a train in the distance, wishing I could jump on.
26. The late night conversations with friends that truly love and care about me.

Banging My Head...

This weekend I was sitting around a fire with 11 of my best friends and I spilled my heart out. I have slowly come to grips with the reality that I do not know what I want to do after college. I am headed into my final year as a Histort Education major. I am almost finished and I can see the light at the end of this tunnel. The only problem with that is the light is a train. I have been doing this way too long to give up, and if I were to change my major my parents would kill me. I have to finish this. At this point in my life I really have no choice. Right now I have so much stuff on my mind and in my head. Maybe once I get into my student teaching I will regain the excitement that I had for teaching. Right now I am so thankful to have friends to discuss this with. They do not realize the help that they have been. This really has not been much of a post, but whatever I have put digital pen to paper. Good night S.E. Tennessee! Peace, love and hand grenades.

What I want to do

I want to run. I want to get away from everything that is surrounding me. I just want to go away and not have to worry about what anyone thinks. I want to pick up my pack and head out. I need time to clear my head. I want to figure things out. What do I do after this ride is over? Do I seek the one thing I want so much and risk giving up what I have? But then again, if I do leave I am missing parts of this ride that I am on here. I would risk losing this thing that I have built and am working on. It would be great to catch a ride to Blue Ridge or Suches and then be off. I could hit the A.T. and bring spring north with me. That is what I want to do. Its too cold right now, but i would do it if given the chance. Maybe I can do some time during spring break. Right now is just not a good time. There is a reason that I am here.